Back To The Beginning

Circling back to the beginning again. Counting all of the false starts. Hands reaching in inky darkness, aiming to resurrect all that I’ve chosen to forget.

I remember eyes of protectors turned predator. I remember bellies bloating, ribs poking, pillows wrapped tight around all too sensitive ears. I crawl back into my childhood bed, the first I can remember, that mattress on the floor in the corner of what once was a pantry. I sing to myself songs of safety, tunes of being held tight, a story without all the scrapes and bruises. I braid flowers into my hair with gentle loving hands. I promise over and over to always remain a place of safety. I promise to build this home with enough rooms to hide. I promise the monsters are gone.

Sometimes a split personality is necessary. Sometimes healing takes place in a fractured state.

I have become a mother to every person I’ve ever been.